| holy camoly |
[05 Apr 2006|04:32pm] |
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havent updated since AUGUST?!?!?! well. alot of shit wentdown since then.but yeah/ im bored, and feeling kinda alone. i havent seen kevin since like. 2 weeks ago and i prolly wont see him for another couple weeks. so im bummed about that. but theres also been alot on my mind. i feel like im losing touch with one of my best friends and its been leaving me with a wierd pain in my stomach whenever i think about it. i dont know wut to do. but yeah. im bored.
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| fuck |
[03 Aug 2005|03:55pm] |
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yeah so pretty much im sick of being let downby people. i dunno wut to do i just seem to have one friend who never lets me down.... cough cough. yes sarah its u... cough.... i cant fucking stand it when people make plans with u... and then liek at the last minute they break them. i dunno and i cant stand feeling second to other people.... like last sunday, me sarah rhi and alaina all went dancing and we had so much fun we agreed to do it everyweekend and kinda have like a girls night everysunday... and like sunday morning alaina fuckin backs out on me to go with princess... and i told princess she could go with us in the first place but she didnt want to be anywhere near me let alone dacing in the same geroup as me. but wut ever. it wasnt the first time alaina fuckin ditched me for princess but im over it. so i pretty much got drunk on sunday and it ended up sucking anyways not becuz i had a ad trip it was cuzza someone elses bad trip. but its ok. becuz i love him with all my heart. its just the past couple days with me and him have sucked, and i feel like we r slowly losing eachother jsut from wut has happened sunday and then today since we havent been alone together in the past 3 or 4 days we were supposed to spend time with eachother. and he calls me at like 1 50 saying he'
ll be an hour and 45 min cuz his mom has to take his grampa somewhere then at 3 45 he calls saying christian wants to spend time with him so hes not gonan come over and hang out wiht me. i dunno i can understand, i dont want to be selfish, but he aallways says how he wants me all to himself all the time. and i allways invite him to come with me and sarah and whoever to the beach... but like. here he just ditches me and goes to hang out with christian. i mean i owuldnt be that bothered by it if he gave me some notice, but now i have no one to hang out wiht and no one to give me a ride n e where so my day is pretty much fucked up the ass. :-/ i dunno. its just gay bcuz im leaving for a week on tuesday (our anniversary) and ill be gone till next teusday. and im not gonna see him or be able to talk to him at all due to no phone service. and it seems like he doesnt really give a fuck.im just sick of having plans with people and then them breaking their plans to go hang out with someone else. it really sux.
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| jesus |
[21 Jul 2005|02:14pm] |
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i havent updated in FOREVER.... alot has happened since then. things are going good right now. i got sick and got my appendix taken out but that was like 2 weeks ago and im pretty much healed by now. hmmm wut else. im in love with an awesome guy who goes by the name of kevin :) and summer is going by too fast. im kinda scared to be a senior. i dont want to fuck up.
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| break it up |
[25 Mar 2005|09:18pm] |
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ehh so yesterday was kinda a wierd day..... i was in a good mood most the day cuz i was looking forward to the show later on... but when i got home i basically worked my ass off cleaning stuff so i could go... and in the middle of cleaning up my room mike calls me and says "this isnt working out for me" thne i was like "yeah i was gonna say the same thing later on tonight..." and he was like "wut?? why you??" and i was like "because im not happy and i feel like you completely ignore me at school" then he was like "what are you talking about??? i allways try to talk to you but u can never talk for a long time u allways have an excuse to go away" and i was like "thats not true i try to talk to u but its like when ever u r around friends u like dont really wanna bother" and he was like "what ever" and he hung up...
so as most of u know me n him have been hving problems so it isnt a big shock.... but i kinda feel bad bcause i can see what he is saying abotu me not talking to him all the time... the only time i really walk away from him or w.e when we r talking is liek after school when i have to go to my ride... or when we r on the phone my dad gets pissed off so i had to go.. but i did try to talk to him all the time at school but he would allways answer questions like "yes." or "i dont know"... like answers that totally end a conversation so it kinda made it hard for me to tlak to him when hes around other people... but normally we do have good conversations... but i dunno... im kidna of relieved because i think towards the end i was getting kinda of stressed out... and i was debating whether to break up with him or not... it just seems like him and i are WAY better at being friends than.... bf and gf type relationship..... i still wanna be friends with him.. and i htink after a couple days we will be ok again its jsut all akward after u break up with someone... like yesterday after we broke up.. there was the show, and he went and i went... and i felt kinda uncomfortable cuz i know we both kept looking at eachother... i wanted to talk to him but him and i werent in the state to really talk to eachother... if u catch my drift.... haha... yeah i had some fun of my own with justine and jesse and some guy chris.... i was surprised because people were all like "oh man ur first time ur gonna get all effed up" but like..... i know i did it right. but i bearly felt n e thing.. kinda... it jsut like chilled me out a bit and like things wetre kinda slow moving haha it was wierd.. .but fun :) yeah so thats my story////////////////////////////////////////////
tomarro i thik im gonna go out to the valley and go to some thrift shops and check out ardvarks for some cool clothes :) im super excited! then im gonna see sarah bo barrah :) i havent seen u inforever! i know u r gonna read this b4 i see u hahaa
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| fuck em |
[17 Mar 2005|08:31pm] |
oh fuck.
yeah uuh my life right now? complete shit.
except for a fewdetails :)
im back together with mike. and so far everything is workin out, hopefully it will alst longer than last time. I think it will :)
buttt on the other hand? my dad. he needs to go away. seriosuly.
yesterday, i went to katys after school to go running. and my mom calls me when i get back and shes like "the dog got out and has been walking aorund the house all day...." i guess the dog got into our rooms... she ate up like 4 pairs of my moms designer shoes that are worth like 300 dollars that my aunt custom designed from steve madden and some other big shoe comapnies... so those are gone... and me? damage wasnt too bad, i jsut have like no underwear now, so i need to go shopping.... a couple of my eyeshadows and eyeliners were pretty badly chewed.... som sox, a hat, a pair of really good shoes, two pair of my converse are kinda chewed. and my uggs :-/ my dog is a terror...
ANYWAYS. she calls me saying all that... and my dad is pissed off that i went over there... omg. I WENT FUCKIN RUNNING OK? my dad picks me up and startes SCREAMING how i shouldnt go to peoples houses during the week and that im nto responsible and that i didnt even go running because i dont look liek iwent running... and so we get home, fight some more, i end up crying and locking myself in my room (third night this week) and i pass out on my bed. abotu an hour later i hear my mom n dad fighting.... my dad saying im irresponsible and i do nothing but sit on my ass and im basically a failure and shit... my mom some what tried to defend me. i guess..... but i get up to feed the dog, and the turtle n everything, he ends up yelling at me, i ennd up yelling at him... i call him hitler and he takes my phone away from me and grounds me all weekend :-/
he is a fuckin nazi.
haha.
BUT today i got my hair done after school :) i feel relieved with no more grody roots or dead ends :)
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[06 Mar 2005|07:12pm] |
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:-/ ehh right now. kinda of sux.
i dunno, like im just on the edge with my dad. and i dotn know wut else there is to do because i dont have very many options. i feel like my only way of having somewhat of a normal life is by rebeling against what my dad says, and i wish it didnt have to be like that. i cant wait until im out of the house, i feel suffocated living here. i dunno im just not happy with my life right now... for a while i thoguht i wasnt happy because my grades were making my dad angry at me and stuff like that... but now that i almost have an a average, my dad really has no reason to be an ass hole but he still is, and ive never fought with him so much. his excuse allways was "well if u had good grades then we wouldnt be fighting.." well now i have good grades and we fuckin fight even more. and people tell me i should just nodd my head and let him yell at me and not talk back, but that isnt how i am. i cant just sit there and have him scream at me if i know i didnt do any thing wrong. and when i talk back, then i get grounded, and then i have no life.
:-/ ehh but this weekend was nice.... my dad went camping so it was just me and my mom until he got home like 2 hours ago :-/ ... but yesterday was jareds brother, devins, barmitzfah(however u spell it) and i was psosed to go to the v's show... btu naturally i didnt have a way to get to justines house for her to take me but she offered to come pick me up, but i didnt have n e clothes to wear because i left them in my moms car... and i didnt wanna wear ashort skirt n tank top becaUSE IT WAS freezing... so i ended up not being able to go :( i didnt think n e one would miss me but i guess they did so now i feel worse... btu today was pretty cool... i went to evans house to hang out with him jared winston and jay... then i came home, and mike called and he wanted me to coem over and i wanted to go, but naturally my dad got homw right when he called and of course my dad was in a bad mood (as usual) and he was like no i dont want u going anywhere... so i was like ok, well can mike come over here??? and he was like no... i just got home dont do this to me, u know? i want to relax with out having people here. u allways have people over and im sick of it." so basically i couldnt see mike and i htink hes kinda upset because i couldnt go yesterday to see him and i couldnt see him tongiht... so now i wont be able to see him till like saturday or something when he gets home from out door school.... :-/
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[19 Feb 2005|11:19pm] |
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:-/ hmm... sooo.. yeah me.kt.joey.jaerd.zach. and joeys friend travis all hung out tonight.... we all were sposed to see constantine but we didnt get into the movies for free so we decided to go to the promenade..we walked around there for a while... and then got bored so we decided to see justin playing at cofee n dreams.. and kt.zach.n jared were in jareds car. then i was in joeys car with him n travis. soo we start talking about pulling a prank on someone... and egging zach comes up into the convo.. soo... yeah we went to 7 11 and got eggs and flour... and when we saw zach at the market place... joey and travis got eggs on his head and i threw flour at his face... so zach was a walking cake mix basicallly and we spend aocuple minutes watching zach chase joey... then katy comes up to me and puts the guilt trip on me saying "how would u feel if that happened to u??" and "thats immature i cant believe u guys did that" and shit liek that...
so i just liek try to ignore it... becasue it was all in good fun, and zach wasnt even that pissed off about it. but he ended up getting flour all over joesy mini... and flour mixed with rain water=paste that doesnt come off very easily... so zach kt and jared all leave... and me joey and travis go to my house to wash joeys car... and we find out katy is pissed off at us and doesnt even wanna talk to us... because we are "immature" :-/ but none of this has n e hitng to do with her... so... im kinda confused but w.e it was fun and yeah haha i have ntohign to do right now so im sitting on the ocmputer :-/
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[18 Feb 2005|05:41pm] |
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yeahhh so today was a good day... then i got home.. and shit flew.(not literally) well... i took my grade check around... everything was pretty good...... i have all a's and b's at the moment... soo i was all excited to bring home my good grades to my dad because i believ his words last week were "you dont try in school all u do is sit on your ass and talk to friends" and i wanted to prove him wrong and shove it in his face and make him look like an asss.... buttt naturally... in ASL class when my teacher handed the paper back to me... i was talking to like 3 people at once and i cant remember what i did with my paper... soo i have no proof that i am fianlly doing good... and my dad doesnt believe me... and afterschool jared had to pick up his likl bro devin from school and take him home b4 he dropped me off.. welll my dad this mornin told me to go STRAIGHT home and not stop ANYWHERE soo naturally.. i ended up getting home AFTER my dad.. he tried to call me 3 times... my phone NEVER rang... i only got the messages saying i had 2 new voicemails... by the time i got his voice mail i was 1 minute away from my house.. i call him back he bitches me out, i start crying.... i get home... he bitches me out some more abotu how i dont take care of my dog( when that is ALL i do) and how im failing all my classes(which im not and i oculda proved it to him if i wasnt a dumbass and lost the fuckin paper) and how i can never be home on time and how i NEVER listen... :-/
wow... i think my dad thinks im the worst kid in the world..
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| </3 |
[14 Feb 2005|01:21pm] |
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valentines day is kinda depressing :'(
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| WOOAHHHH |
[12 Feb 2005|09:46am] |
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ok... so on my space... this lady asks to be my firend.... and... i look at her profile b4 adding her.. and she like tlaked about how sdhe has "gifts" and shes a witch and stuff... so i write her an email saying sry but i dotn add people ivenever talked to... and she was like oh sorry, i just looked at yer profile and wanted to add u... so iwrote her an email back and i was like... yeah... so r u really a witch?? and she was like yes. but i only am a white witch... and she was talking about how she can tell if someone from the "other side" is trying to reach a loved on that is still alive... and by my curiosity, i asked her "could u tell me if my ex boyfriend is trying to say n e thing to me?? it has almost been a year that he has been gone and i have jsut been wondering.." so she writes me back..
"ok............ when i read that i immediately picked up a car accident, Did he or anyone you know have a car accident ........... also the name Luis is around you ?"
i was like HOLY SHIT when i read that... one) i NEVER told her n e thing about how trevor died... two) luis is my dads father whom i havent seen since i was 1.... :-/ im just kinda shoked about the whole thing.... wow..
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[11 Feb 2005|01:06pm] |
so yeah....
im bored.. yesterday sucked..i was in one of those moods again.... i dunno i hate the way i get because alot of things will get to me, but i wont show that it btohers me... so like a keep a bunch of my feelings in and then like one thing will set me off anf my hole day will be bad because i get like past the point of holding my feelings in... and i just get like SUPER depressed..... i dunno lately i just felt like i cant really tell one person like EVERYTHING that is on my mind because alot of the shit has to do with most the people i do talk to, and if its somthing thats bothering me, i guess i feel like i dont want them to get upset at me... i just dont really like conflict so i try to forget about it... :-/ i know its not good to keep all my feelings in... i tryto tell people when somethings btohering me, but i guess i just feel liek i dotn really HAVE someone who i can tell anything and everything thats on my mind...
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[30 Jan 2005|02:03am] |
hmm....
wow...
49 bucks.... for 6 hours.... 4 little girls.... thats like less than ten bucks an hour... i think i fuckin got ripped off....
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[27 Jan 2005|06:22pm] |
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80ZZZZ |
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hahahaha
i need screenname ideads... this is wut i have so far... i want a random screenname.... dome of these came from the brilliant mind of joeycross, the others came from random people... lol...
n e ways here they r, if u like em, say which one... if u have a nother idea, post it bitch
::)
alien^
-IwasGAY1time
-Ashliefizzle
-IwantAcomputer
-Cakehole
-InvisibleCarTester
-IwasBorn
-DangerousSparkler
-HAHAthatsSilly
-electricrubberband
-ghastlypotatohweges
-gargantuanballofice
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| wow. |
[25 Jan 2005|08:09pm] |
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guys are assholes. im sick of going out with people who r nice at first and then dick heads in the end :'(
i wish i oculd jsut find someone who will love me
</3
im kinda of relieved tho.
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[17 Jan 2005|01:22pm] |
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mood |
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omg... my parents DEFINATELY dont think im an angel... and... i dont smell bad... do i???
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| <3 |
[11 Jan 2005|07:52pm] |
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cof |
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i love his earlobes.
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| rain |
[07 Jan 2005|03:52pm] |
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i might get some cool rain boots tomarro:) im going shopping today. ill have some warm clothes to wear now... YAAAAYYYY :)
hah im a loser. im trying to steal time cuz my mom wanted to sleep b4 she takes me... and i told her she had an hour. that was liek 20 min. ago. time is slow atthe moment. grrrr
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[02 Jan 2005|12:07pm] |
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damnit. |
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i had my first kiss of 2005 :)
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